Do you ever just feel like giving up? I know I do sometimes! Do you ever just stop and ask yourself what is the point? What if I do fail, am I really making a difference? If you have ever wondered that, I assure you that you are not alone. From time to time I can’t help but think of that. I know that I really shouldn’t, but that thought just pops into my head. Which is fine, what isn’t fine is when you entertain that thought. This isn’t meant to be a depressing post, and it’s not going to be. So… don’t worry 🙂

I tend to be emotional, but some how I don’t like sharing my feelings very much. I am trying to be better at that. When I write, that’s my happy place! When I write, that’s when my feelings bleed through my finger tips. Of course prayer ALWAYS helps, there isn’t a time when it doesn’t. And a lot of the time I would write my prayers instead of verbally saying them. See for me it is a lot easier for me to get my point across when writing rather than speaking. It’s almost like my mouth can’t keep up with my thought process. Anywho….

When I speak from a missionary stand point, I’m talking about mine and I couldn’t tell you about any other missionary…

I like it a lot, I don’t however like the pain. I have given up everything in order to live here and to help the poor and needy. Someday I feel like I want to run away from God and my calling to somewhere else, anywhere else. In that moment, I just kinda slap myself back to reality. God has passed over a million other people just for me. He didn’t have to, but He did! Sometimes I just watch my family (in New Mexico) and just wonder, am I really making a difference here, am I holding someone back or am I an encouragement to anyone.

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Surprise… I’m not going to answer that, it’s not for me to answer… I do however know that God wants me here, and it’s not by accident that I’m here. I tend to sympathize with other people. Like when they are sad, in that moment it’s almost like I can feel their pain, which happens way to often. We get a lot of drunks that come to the food bank and each one has a story to tell. I’ve began to notice I take stories with a grain of salt, and I really tend not to believe them.

It has just hit me that it’s not that I don’t believe them, but rather that I don’t WANT to believe them. Maybe by actually believing them will somehow let me sympathize with them… But, as Christians, isn’t that kinda what we are meant to do to a certain degree? Not to tell them it’s ok, but to feel what they feel so we can better help them? God will give you the right words to say, when He wants you to say them ya know! That doesn’t mean that we can’t feel bad for them.


When it’s all said and done, When God had called you to something, you still have free will to back out if you want to. Although I highly advise against that! You shouldn’t even want to give up when you are doing what Gods wants. That thought will pop up in your mind, but when it does you have to keep believing that God knows better than you do…
I can think about having my own house and living in the perfect state with the perfect job, but Gods here and so is my heart. My heart is here for the Navajo people. One day God may change that, and have me somewhere else, as for now I’m here, learning and growing.

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Told you it wouldn’t be depressing 🙂 keep pressing on, growing in God burns, let the fire purify your very soul…