Everytime I’m in bible study, worship, or listening to the preacher I take it hard. I always look at myself, like is any of this me? I can honeslty say that since day one, I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I would assume it’s a good thing. hmmm….
I know a lot of times it looks as if I’m not listening, but I assure you it’s the opposite. Most of the time I am looking inside of myself to see if I have done anything the preacher/teacher is saying in that moment. I havn’t told anyone that before so this is also a first! I’m not the type of person to usually grasp stuff the first time around, it takes a while. If I’m taking something apart or putting something together, it takes me longer than most, for the simple fact that…. hmmm…
Like I’ll watch a youtube video a couple of times if I’m going to take a phone apart so I don’t forget halfway through the process. My time in SC, I put up a fence at my moms and grandmas house, before I did it, I measured idk how many times and kept digging holes until I found the place the fence would run. What I’m trying to say is that I just want to get it perfect.
I’m the same way when it comes to God, I’ll read and read the same scripture until I fully understand it, not that I don’t grasp it fully the first go around, but i’m just reassuring myself that I got it. Plus when you reread it, you’ll always find something new.
I think that everyone should examine themselves whenever they hear the word of God being spoken. Ask yourself is this, or could this be me? For me, it’s a since of growing and learning. If I do see some of the bad traits in myself, I need to get them out and that requires growing! You shouldn’t ever take the word of God lightly. I don’t know about you but, I sure don’t want to be found wanting when Jesus comes back! So… going back to I’m not sure if it is a good thing or not. I say yes to that! It is a great thing, that everyone should be doing on a constent basis. It isn’t easy and somethings will burn, but burning is purfing and cleaning. With deep burns comes bad scars that will never go away.
I have come to find out recently that, my dreams are a little crazy, in a sense where I try to be everyone’s hero… I mean being a hero sounds like a great thing right?! Not so much. Each dream I wind up almost getting hurt after saving someone, and that part isn’t so much fun. As we all know, or should know, our dreams reflect what’s going on inside of our spirits to a certain degree… I need to quit trying to be everyone’s hero, and take a step back and let God be the one to take my place. I’m still here to be used by Him, but no longer overstepping my boundaries. Stepping back and letting God do His thing.